Sharing some intimate thoughts on mom life and my current identity crisis.
Motherhood has been the single most rewarding experience of my life. There's no greater sense of responsibility than caring for a helpless little human whose livelihood depends on you. There's no greater joy than seeing the corners of Desmond's eyes curl up into a crescent line drawing out his big sunshine smile. There's no greater excitement than seeing your child take on his many firsts, first step, first word, first "I love you." Like many parents, I live for my son. On the weekends, I take Des to birthday parties, plan family adventures, go on playdates, and basically just stay by his side all day long because at 2.5 years old, he's still pretty needy. Although he's in school during the week, I'm constantly thinking about him or thinking about things he might need. What's he going to eat for dinner? When's his next doctor's appointment? Are we low on diapers?
I love being a mother. It's gifted me a heightened life purpose and provides a selfless compass to navigate through life. But I fear my personality, my self-identity, has completely folded into motherhood. So much of my day revolves around being a mom that I no longer see who I am anymore. I don't make time to pursue hobbies, I travel less, I go out less, and my social circle has tightened into core groups of mainly mom friends. If I remove "mom" from my profile, do I simply fade away? Sure, I'm a lawyer, I'm a blogger, but professional titles can't solely define my identity. I used to be passionate about a lot of things, have strong opinions, and have a self-proclaimed sense of humor. But now I just don't have the mental consumption or time or energy to dedicate focus on anything other than motherhood.
I'm not really sure what to do about my identity crisis. I can try to make time to pick up new hobbies, explore new interests. But let's be real. It's probably not going to happen. Perhaps I shouldn't see it as a loss. Perhaps I'm not losing myself to motherhood. Rather, I've gained an invaluable and life-changing identity. I'm now a Mom. And with that comes a beautifully layered life that's fulfilling on so many levels. And perhaps right now it's okay to be just really ridiculously passionate about being the best mom I can be to little Desmond.
I'm not really sure what to do about my identity crisis. I can try to make time to pick up new hobbies, explore new interests. But let's be real. It's probably not going to happen. Perhaps I shouldn't see it as a loss. Perhaps I'm not losing myself to motherhood. Rather, I've gained an invaluable and life-changing identity. I'm now a Mom. And with that comes a beautifully layered life that's fulfilling on so many levels. And perhaps right now it's okay to be just really ridiculously passionate about being the best mom I can be to little Desmond.
